I just lost someone. Don't apologize to me. Don't offer me your prayers. Don't tell me she's in a better place. Or she's in heaven. She's not. She's gone. The body and biological circuitry and consciousness that was her has shut down. All that's left is a shell. She's not in some mythical eternal place with a magical deity. She's not been reunited with all of her loved ones to live for the rest of time. She existed for 88 years on this Earth. Now, she's not here.
Her body will break down. The earth will reclaim her. The atoms that are a part of her body will be recycled. She'll become the air, the water, and the flowers. She'll bear witness to millions upon millions of lives and events that are to come, yet she'll know none of it.
We, her loved ones, will sit together and reminisce. We'll smile at the happy memories, and cry remembering the painful ones. We will look to each other and reaffirm that we're family. That we still love each other.
So don't tell me she's in some heaven. Don't pity me. Save your sadness for others.
Instead, go tell your significant other that you love them. Make love, passionately. Kiss like you'll never stop. Spend the night discovering each other again. See how you've changed. See how you've stayed the same. Fall in love all over again.
Hug your child. Hold them close. Play with them. Tell them about your adventures when you were their age. Tell them how proud you are of them. Worry about every decision they make, but let them make it. Encourage them when they fail. Praise them when they succeed. Never let them go a day without you telling them that you love them.
Call your friend. Just chat. Catch up. Go out. Have fun. Smile. Laugh until it hurts. Cry at sad movies. Shop for silly things. Stay in and eat ice cream. Tell your friend how much you appreciate them.
Visit your grandparents. Sit down. Listen. Ask them to tell you their life story. Laugh with them. Cry with them. Enjoy the memories. Hug them close and tell them you love them.
See your parents. Thank them for everything they've done for you. Share your own parenting mishaps. Acknowledge that they were right, once in a while. Tell them you appreciate their wisdom. Hug your mom. Hug your dad. Tell them you love them.
This is all we got, folks. This one life. Make it count. Enjoy every day, no matter how it turns out.
When they are bursting with activity. When you stay in your pj's all
day. When you have a crappy day at work. When you have an absolutely
amazing day. When you are sick. When you are well. When you love. When you fight. When you make up. Whatever day it is, it's another day in your life. Your unique life. Cherish it, even when it's hard.
Goodbye, Great Grandma. And thanks for all the cards.
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
McDonalds is the "Lord's House" (Why I think faith healing is the worst thing, ever)
Saw something at McDonalds today that pissed me off. There was an
older woman who looked like she was down on her luck sitting with a
woman who was early 30's, perfect make-up, etc. The older woman was
talking to the younger woman about all of her health problems, family
problems, etc. She said that she had been praying that everything would
get sorted out, but so far no luck. The younger woman started telling
her that god would take care of her and not to worry. I believe she said
something along the lines of "go to a doctor, even though you can't
afford it, and god will take care of it." Also, younger woman was asking
about how much money the older woman
saved for tithing. The older woman admitted that she couldn't afford to
do so. She tries, but she needs the money. Younger woman started trying
to convince older woman to give money to younger woman's ministry.
It took all I had to not walk over and bitch that younger woman out.
How DARE you prey upon someone who is down on their luck with your useless drivel to try and get more money for yourself? That is fundamentally SICK! Why don't you offer some of your swindled cash to the poor woman who can't even afford to get all the medications she needs to survive?! Stop buying goddamned $3,000 diamond tennis bracelets and HELP SOME FUCKING PEOPLE IN NEED!!!!!
I hate, HATE the people who claim that God can heal anyone. Some very close people in my life have major health issues that cannot be completely cured by modern medicine... yet. So they try and rely on faith healing. And when that inevitably fails, they fall into a spiral of self-hate and loathing, thinking that they are not worthy enough for god to heal them. Then they decide they will try again, convinced they will be miraculously healed. They'll be a fully functioning human being again! Able to walk unaided, able to work again! And then faith healing doesn't work. So they try again. And again. The same vicious cycle over and over, each time killing them a little more on this inside.
How is this not illegal? How is this not fraud? And what about when there are children involved? Look at this article. Two dozen children. TWO DOZEN!!! Twenty-four innocent lives lost because the parents have their heads so far up the ministry's ass that they can't see the world around them.
Science has done so many wonderful things in the past 25 years and has advanced modern medicine to the point that we could be looking at a cure for AIDS sometime in the next 20 years. We have eliminated two diseases in the world, smallpox and rinderpest. Polio is well on its way. Vaccines have allowed us to protect our children. We don't have to go through the heartbreak of losing many of our children to disease, as our grandparents and great-grandparents did.
All of this wonderful advancement, and religious people are trying to send us back into the middle ages. Jenny McCarthy has led countless parents away from potentially life saving vaccinations for their children, compromising others who cannot have the vaccinations for REAL medical reasons. Whole religions reject modern medicine, including Jehovah's Witnesses and Church of Christ, Scientist. These people and groups are compromising not only us, but our children as well. We, as a society, rely on herd immunity to help keep our children safe. The less people who are not vaccinated or who don't vaccinate their children, the less effective our herd immunity becomes. Because of this, we are seeing outbreaks of measles and whooping cough, both of which are potentially deadly.
I honestly could go on and on for days about how I feel. This is a very, VERY important topic to me. Relying on faith healers is not only setting yourself up for emotionally trauma, but could potentially keep you from getting a life saving treatment. You not only put your health on the line, but your family's well-being, and potentially the health of everyone you come in contact with. And that is just plain selfish.
I leave you with a wonderful video by the lovely and talented Tim Minchin. He sums up exactly how I feel about prayer being a healing tool.
Thank You God - Tim Minchin
It took all I had to not walk over and bitch that younger woman out.
How DARE you prey upon someone who is down on their luck with your useless drivel to try and get more money for yourself? That is fundamentally SICK! Why don't you offer some of your swindled cash to the poor woman who can't even afford to get all the medications she needs to survive?! Stop buying goddamned $3,000 diamond tennis bracelets and HELP SOME FUCKING PEOPLE IN NEED!!!!!
I hate, HATE the people who claim that God can heal anyone. Some very close people in my life have major health issues that cannot be completely cured by modern medicine... yet. So they try and rely on faith healing. And when that inevitably fails, they fall into a spiral of self-hate and loathing, thinking that they are not worthy enough for god to heal them. Then they decide they will try again, convinced they will be miraculously healed. They'll be a fully functioning human being again! Able to walk unaided, able to work again! And then faith healing doesn't work. So they try again. And again. The same vicious cycle over and over, each time killing them a little more on this inside.
How is this not illegal? How is this not fraud? And what about when there are children involved? Look at this article. Two dozen children. TWO DOZEN!!! Twenty-four innocent lives lost because the parents have their heads so far up the ministry's ass that they can't see the world around them.
Science has done so many wonderful things in the past 25 years and has advanced modern medicine to the point that we could be looking at a cure for AIDS sometime in the next 20 years. We have eliminated two diseases in the world, smallpox and rinderpest. Polio is well on its way. Vaccines have allowed us to protect our children. We don't have to go through the heartbreak of losing many of our children to disease, as our grandparents and great-grandparents did.
All of this wonderful advancement, and religious people are trying to send us back into the middle ages. Jenny McCarthy has led countless parents away from potentially life saving vaccinations for their children, compromising others who cannot have the vaccinations for REAL medical reasons. Whole religions reject modern medicine, including Jehovah's Witnesses and Church of Christ, Scientist. These people and groups are compromising not only us, but our children as well. We, as a society, rely on herd immunity to help keep our children safe. The less people who are not vaccinated or who don't vaccinate their children, the less effective our herd immunity becomes. Because of this, we are seeing outbreaks of measles and whooping cough, both of which are potentially deadly.
I honestly could go on and on for days about how I feel. This is a very, VERY important topic to me. Relying on faith healers is not only setting yourself up for emotionally trauma, but could potentially keep you from getting a life saving treatment. You not only put your health on the line, but your family's well-being, and potentially the health of everyone you come in contact with. And that is just plain selfish.
I leave you with a wonderful video by the lovely and talented Tim Minchin. He sums up exactly how I feel about prayer being a healing tool.
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Zombie Jesus Day
Happy Zombie Jesus Day!!! Also, happy anniversary to me of the day
John's cousins started their hate campaign against me. If anyone is
curious as to why that is, it's because I decided to share Cyanide and
Happiness' annual zombie jesus day comic on my OWN facebook wall. I know
people must be tired of hearing about my troubles with John's family,
but it still bothers me to no end that they liked me well enough for the
first 5 years of knowing me. With one silly picture, they decided that
they hated me. It's ridiculous. I did not address it to them. I did not
point at them by name and laugh. Hell, when I posted it, I was still
religious! But they could not stand someone being able to laugh and
appreciate a silly view of the Easter story. They cannot laugh at
themselves. Lest you think they're a completely humorless lot, the last
time I sat and talked to them, they spent the whole time making fun of
dwarves (Little People, Big World started that one). They have no problem being bigoted towards anyone not like
them.
As for their religious views, what happened to hate the sin and not the sinner? No, let's not try to just get along. Instead, we're going to make you feel completely isolated, alone, and unloved whenever you come near. Yes, it hurts me. I will say all day long that it doesn't bother me, but it does. It hurts so much that my husband's family will never accept me back into their lives. It hurts me that I feel like I'm forcing John into choosing between me and his family. It hurts me that I am perfectly willing to look past different views and attempt civility for them to just throw it back in my face and act petty and arrogant. It's gotten to the point that I feel physically ill when we are going to any family function. What are they going to say to me when John's not around? How are they going to act towards me just to show how much they hate me? I do everything I can to convince John not to go, or to leave me at home. I cry, I get angry, occasionally I throw up. I do NOT want to see these people. I may be a masochist, but seeing these people is a pain I can't handle. But in the end I do go because John appreciates me going. Believe it or not, he actually likes my company. He also likes to know that I have his back if anyone starts asking uncomfortable questions. I cheerily steer the questions away to more trivial topics. I also go because I admit to having a slight feeling of satisfaction knowing that the family members I have the problems with are angry that I don't just stay home in shame. It's about the only satisfaction I get out of going. Oh, and by the way, they only have a huge problem with MY atheism, not John's. They're willing to talk to John. Me, they completely ignore. And I have NEVER in person spoken about my religious views to them. I only ever post about it on facebook, and even then not as often as John.
By now, some of you are asking what the point of this post is? Why continue to complain about them? Why talk about family problems in a semi-public way? Because I need to. I need to express my thoughts and feelings about this. I need outside perspective about the situation. I need to rant and rave and shake my head in disbelief at stupid situations. And I know at the end of the day, posting about it isn't going to magically solve the situation, but it makes me feel a bit better.
Hope you all enjoy your Zombie Jesus Day today. Remember to laugh, love, and enjoy spending time with your loved ones.
Credit to Cyanide and Happiness
As for their religious views, what happened to hate the sin and not the sinner? No, let's not try to just get along. Instead, we're going to make you feel completely isolated, alone, and unloved whenever you come near. Yes, it hurts me. I will say all day long that it doesn't bother me, but it does. It hurts so much that my husband's family will never accept me back into their lives. It hurts me that I feel like I'm forcing John into choosing between me and his family. It hurts me that I am perfectly willing to look past different views and attempt civility for them to just throw it back in my face and act petty and arrogant. It's gotten to the point that I feel physically ill when we are going to any family function. What are they going to say to me when John's not around? How are they going to act towards me just to show how much they hate me? I do everything I can to convince John not to go, or to leave me at home. I cry, I get angry, occasionally I throw up. I do NOT want to see these people. I may be a masochist, but seeing these people is a pain I can't handle. But in the end I do go because John appreciates me going. Believe it or not, he actually likes my company. He also likes to know that I have his back if anyone starts asking uncomfortable questions. I cheerily steer the questions away to more trivial topics. I also go because I admit to having a slight feeling of satisfaction knowing that the family members I have the problems with are angry that I don't just stay home in shame. It's about the only satisfaction I get out of going. Oh, and by the way, they only have a huge problem with MY atheism, not John's. They're willing to talk to John. Me, they completely ignore. And I have NEVER in person spoken about my religious views to them. I only ever post about it on facebook, and even then not as often as John.
By now, some of you are asking what the point of this post is? Why continue to complain about them? Why talk about family problems in a semi-public way? Because I need to. I need to express my thoughts and feelings about this. I need outside perspective about the situation. I need to rant and rave and shake my head in disbelief at stupid situations. And I know at the end of the day, posting about it isn't going to magically solve the situation, but it makes me feel a bit better.
Hope you all enjoy your Zombie Jesus Day today. Remember to laugh, love, and enjoy spending time with your loved ones.
Credit to Cyanide and Happiness
Friday, January 25, 2013
A Change in Attitude
This blog will now be a sort of personal diary for me. A place to post whatever happens to cross my mind, or where I can just bitch it out. Today is one of the days that I need to just yell.
This has been bugging me for a while and I just need to get my thoughts out. And, yes, I do have John's permission to talk about it.
My father-in-law was talking to John recently and told him that he was surprised that we were actually on track for getting the house. He said he never thought we would because we "aren't getting any help from upstairs." He is convinced that we will never have anything go right in our lives until we "came back to Jesus." What the fuck? That actually physically hurt me when he said that. It hurts that he can't open his damn eyes and see that his son is happy with what he has in life. I know that John would do anything for his parents. He is a wonderful, caring, and compassionate person. He just so happens to not follow any religion. Because of that ONE thing, his father does not think of him as a good person, but rather a fool. If he keeps it up, he is going to ruin the relationship he has with his ONLY child.
As for the praying aspect, answer me this. Are there still starving children in this world? Are there still people who don't have a roof over their heads at night? How about the poor man in New Philly who sleeps in a make-shift tent that he built out of garbage bags, who has to beg and scavenge for food? What is going to help him more, me buying him a warm meal and a few extra blankets, or wasting my breath on meaningless phrases and hoping he gets by? Isn't it outright SELFISH to pray for one's own happiness before the needs of the rest of the world?
As for praying itself, people have been praying for CENTURIES to end world hunger and the like and it hasn't exactly worked, now has it? Thanks, but I won’t waste my breath and instead actually try to help out. John and I don’t have a lot, but you better be sure as hell that we donate to organizations who do actually help. Doctors Without Borders is our favorite. And what does my father-in-law send his money to? Already rich preachers who have their own mega churches and who claim that they can solve all the worlds problems. When we went over recently, his dad had a program running about how if you sent in $7, $77, or $777 to this guy you could help convert 7 Jewish families to Christianity! I am willing to live and let live, but when religion starts interfering with people’s personal choices, IT HAS TO STOP!
This makes me sound like I hate my father-in-law. I don't. Indeed, I am very grateful to him for being willing to help with John's loans. But he's getting to the point of being so out of touch with his son and his feelings that I don't know what to do. I guess I'll just keep trying to keep the conversation nuetral between them and steer it away from politics and religion as much as I can. Maybe one day, he can just agree to disagree and just enjoy his son for who he is.
This has been bugging me for a while and I just need to get my thoughts out. And, yes, I do have John's permission to talk about it.
My father-in-law was talking to John recently and told him that he was surprised that we were actually on track for getting the house. He said he never thought we would because we "aren't getting any help from upstairs." He is convinced that we will never have anything go right in our lives until we "came back to Jesus." What the fuck? That actually physically hurt me when he said that. It hurts that he can't open his damn eyes and see that his son is happy with what he has in life. I know that John would do anything for his parents. He is a wonderful, caring, and compassionate person. He just so happens to not follow any religion. Because of that ONE thing, his father does not think of him as a good person, but rather a fool. If he keeps it up, he is going to ruin the relationship he has with his ONLY child.
As for the praying aspect, answer me this. Are there still starving children in this world? Are there still people who don't have a roof over their heads at night? How about the poor man in New Philly who sleeps in a make-shift tent that he built out of garbage bags, who has to beg and scavenge for food? What is going to help him more, me buying him a warm meal and a few extra blankets, or wasting my breath on meaningless phrases and hoping he gets by? Isn't it outright SELFISH to pray for one's own happiness before the needs of the rest of the world?
As for praying itself, people have been praying for CENTURIES to end world hunger and the like and it hasn't exactly worked, now has it? Thanks, but I won’t waste my breath and instead actually try to help out. John and I don’t have a lot, but you better be sure as hell that we donate to organizations who do actually help. Doctors Without Borders is our favorite. And what does my father-in-law send his money to? Already rich preachers who have their own mega churches and who claim that they can solve all the worlds problems. When we went over recently, his dad had a program running about how if you sent in $7, $77, or $777 to this guy you could help convert 7 Jewish families to Christianity! I am willing to live and let live, but when religion starts interfering with people’s personal choices, IT HAS TO STOP!
This makes me sound like I hate my father-in-law. I don't. Indeed, I am very grateful to him for being willing to help with John's loans. But he's getting to the point of being so out of touch with his son and his feelings that I don't know what to do. I guess I'll just keep trying to keep the conversation nuetral between them and steer it away from politics and religion as much as I can. Maybe one day, he can just agree to disagree and just enjoy his son for who he is.
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